Bob Blogs: Garlicky Breadsticks

 The other night I made crockpot lasagna for dinner (who knew you could cook lasagna in a crockpot?!) and threw this breadstick dough in the bread machine on the timer.  Unfortunately, as dinner time approached, I got hung up at the doctor’s office with Lilly and gave Bob a call. 

“Hey, it looks like I’m going to be here for a long while.  I guess I’ll stop and buy us some breadsticks from Spaghetti Express since I won’t be home in time to get the homemade ones on the table on time.”

“I can do that!  Is there directions somewhere?  I can make them!  Let me do it!  I want to help!!”

Thinking to myself.  Well Hell.  What’s the worst that can happen here?  If he fails I stop at the spaghetti joint, or if he succeeds we have cheap, and hopefully edible, breadsticks.  Come on Angie.  Live on the edge, it’s unlikely he can burn down the kitchen making breadsticks.  Besides.  He wants to help.  You must encourage such behaviors.

“Yeah!  O.k. the recipe is on my desk.  You’ll need to use the pastry board behind the sink.  And you might as well take some pictures.”

5 minutes later . . . my cell phone rings.

“Hiya Babe, what’s up?”

“Sh!t.  What the frick am I supposed to do with this gooey stuff – it’s all over my hands and I THINK THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.  Frick, frick, frick.”

“Did you flour the pasty board?”

“Er.  Uh, no, IT DOESN’T SAY TO DO THAT.  What does that even mean?”

Somehow, Bob figured out how to make these work.  I know, because they were yum-tastic.  The kids and I were all over these!  They put “Spaghetti Express” to shame.  Now, I’m going to turn things over to Bob, since he did the bulk of the work.  All I did was toss the stuff in the bread machine, set the timer, and offer morale support via phone.  Oh.  And eat them.  Yeah.  I did that, too. 

If you run into trouble I’d be glad to offer you morale support as well.  Just shoot me an email.  I think you’ll have better luck though, because I’ve written “on a floured surface” into the directions.  And like I said, live on the edge.  Now, here’s Bob . . .

The Elephant and the 3 Blind Men

You all know the parable of the elephant and the 3 blind men, right?  Maybe not. I’ll repeat it here, just to be safe.

You see, there were these 3 blind men and an elephant. A fourth man (I don’t know if he was sighted or not; I do know he was a troublemaker) asked, “Tell me what an elephant is like, gentlemen?”

“An elephant is large and cylindrical, like a tree.”

“No,” the second blind man spoke up. “an elephant is long, like a snake, with a hairy head.”

“You’ve both lost it.  An elephant is neither of those.  An elephant is somewhere in the middle, wet, and hangs down from the trees.”

The first man was, of course, hanging on to the elephant’s leg; the second man, the elephant’s tail, and the third the elephant’s trunk.  You see, human beings often interpret events from their own limited perspectives.

Anyways, I think Angie Pangie might have incorrectly interpreted that event, and given you the wrong impression.  In fact, her little tale is completely inaccurate.

I didn’t say the stuff was gooey.

I said it was sticky.

So, anyways, the  real directions for these are down below.  But, if you’re curious, here’s how I made them:

Take the dough that Angie Pangie mixed up in the bread machine.
Put the dough on the cutting board thingy.

Panic.  Call Angie Pangie for advice.
Scrape dough into a bowl.

Dump flour out on cutting board.

Brush all the extra flour off the cutting board into the sink.
Roll out the dough into a 10 x 12 inch rectangle.

Use a meat cleaver to cut the dough into 12-inch long strips around half an inch wide.
Realize you don’t have enough breadsticks for your family and cut those all in half.
Twist each of the strips. This is harder than it sounds, by the way.

Forget about the strips for half an hour or so, purely by accident.
Set the oven at 375 and set the timer for 15 minutes.
Open the empty oven.  Look around to see if anyone noticed you forgot to put the breadsticks in.
Put the breadsticks in, and let ‘em cook for 15 minutes.
As Angie walks through the door, look panicked.
Beg her to do the thingy with the butter, and the garlic salt, and whatnot.

Here’s the recipe:

Breadsticks

Adapted from Recipezaar

1 cup warm water
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup canola or vegetable oil
3 cups bread flour
2 1/2 teaspoons yeast
Garlic salt
Shredded Parmesan cheese

Mix dough using your favorite method- bread machine, mixer or by hand.
You can allow these to rise and punch them down once before you roll them out, if you desire, but it is not necessary.
Roll out into a 10×12 inch rectangle on a floured surface. 
Use a butter knife, or a pastry cutter, and cut into strips about 3/4 inch wide.
Give each strip a twist and place on a greased cookie sheet.
Let rise for at least 20 minutes.
Bake at 375 for 10-15 minutes.
Brush with butter and sprinkle with garlic salt and parmesan cheese.

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